countdown to the disappointment, i'm yours tonight

You're very kind and very sweet. You're my favorite person.

i’m a little scared to hold you close
cause i just might never ever let you go
caught up in your smile
i’m happy as a child
but i’m still drowning
drowning in your love

your heart cares for nothing in return
and i’m just taking
taking you in.

** I totally aced the interview today.

love me if you dare

here we go
they're back again
look alive, warn your friends
we are warm and we are safe
enjoy it while you can before things change
we have got to take cover, brother

I've been listening to The Organ-Brother for the 12th time tonight. This song always reminds me of the same thing. Two lovers are in a room, they're looking at each other, unsure of what to do. They're both wondering if they're brave enough to make the first move, both scared of how much they might mean to each other, both afraid of getting hurt and terrified of falling in love. And in the background, it's Brother. We have got to take cover. The lovers build up their guards, they let the moment pass. The spark is gone. They take cover. They'll never get hurt. They'll never be happy together. They'll never share anything. They look at one another for one last time, and walk away. They're safe, but lonely.

run quick, they're behind us

I once had a friend called Helena. To me, she was the beginning of everything. We instantly connected after she found me. We talked for hours about anything and drunk-dialed each other every once in a while. We did everything together. She would stay at my house for a week and I'd stay at hers the next. It was like we were addicted to each other. I needed her, feeling like my heart was going to explode if I didn't talk to her for a few hours. The more time we spent together, the more we became alike. It was getting harder to draw the line between her and me.
I was obsessed with her. There were times when I looked inside myself and couldn't be sure whether my thoughts even belonged to me or not. Looking back now, I can see they mostly belonged to her. She had completely taken over me. Our friendship lasted only for 4 months, and after she was gone, I was devastated. It's been 3 years and no one could replace her. I'll never recover from this.

your eyes tell the stories of a day you wish you could
recall the moments that once have
retrack the footsteps that brought us to this favor
i wouldn't ask this of you

good eye, sniper
i shoot, you run
the words you scribbled on the walls
the loss of friends you didn't have
i called you and the time is right
are you in or are you out?

bye bye beautiful
don't bother to write
disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
face step, let down. face step, step down.

we have got to take cover, brother

The L Word Season 2 Bölüm Bilmemkaç,Carmen ve Shane hanfendilerin öpüşme sahnesi ve fonda The Organ-Brother.

Sabah 9.30'da çılgın bir başağrısı ile uyandıktan sonra içime aniden gelen bir istekle bilgisayarı açıp The L Word izlemeye başladım. İlerleyen 6 saat boyunca aralıksız devam ettiğim dizi maratonundan kendimi zorla uzaklaştırmayı başarıp kuaföre gittim. Aslında dip boyası amacıyla gitmiş olduğum kuaförümün saçlarımın içine etmesi nedeniyle kahverengi boyatıp erkek modu kısacık kestirmeye bağıra çağıra ağlayarak karar vermiştim ki; beni sakinleştirmeye çalışan ve sinir krizimden son derece korkmuş olan zavallı adamcağızın ikna çabaları sayesinde 4 saat sonra sapsarı ve gayet kısa saçlarla çıktım.

Yarın İstanbul'a gidiyorum.
-Her yüzün tanıdık olmadığı bir şehirde olmayı,
-Yemek, dvd, alışveriş gibi herşeyi internet üzerinden yapmayı,
-Kendi evimde tek başıma kafamı dinleyebilmeyi,
-Her yere gayet kolay ve kısa sürede ulaşabileceğim bir yerde oturuyor olmayı,
-Bağdat Caddesi'ni,
-Gece istediğim saatte istediğim yere gidip istediğim zaman dönebilmeyi,
-Yatağımı ve Digiturk'ümü,
-Okulumun sarı otobüslerini,
-Hatta galiba okulumun kendisini,
-Kış olduğunu fark edebileceğim kadar soğuk olabilen bir şehirde olmayı,
-Yerde basacak yer kalmayıncaya kadar odamı dağıtabilmeyi,
-Bir sürü potansiyel olmasını seviyorum. Evet bu nedenler yüzünden İstanbul'u seviyorum.

oh, where does it end?
sometimes it hurts when you care about me
but it's going to hurt more when they take you away from me
we have got to take cover, brother
we have got to take cover, brother

ayo technology

Pek sakin bir insan olduğum söylenemez. Aksine, oldukça sinirli ve takıntılı bir insanımdır. Şaşılacak derecede kinci bir insan olarak, bugünlerde kafamda yer eden birkaç şey var.

1-Hayatta en en en en en hoşlanmadığım şey, haksızlıktır. Sinirlerimi en tepeme zıplatan tek şeydir diyebilirim hatta. Hesabı şişiren barmenlerden hoşlanmam. Varoşluk yapıp "ödemiyorum lan" dememiş olsam bile, bu saatten sonra asla ve asla size tek kuruş para kazandırmayacağımdan, hatta mümkün olduğunca mekanınıza zarar vereceğimden emin olabilirsiniz sevgili you-know-what-i'm-talkin-about yer. Yarınki programıma kızlar tuvaletinizde maddi zarar yaratmakla başlayacağımdan şüpheniz olmasın.

2-Anonim kişilikler oldum olası sinirime dokunmuştur. Fashionalism'e son günlerde saran ezik şey, sanıyorum şu an bunu okuyor olmalı. Kendisine birkaç lafım var:
"Dandik" olarak nitelendirdiğin şeyi şu an okuyorsun gayet. Sen kimsin, o zaten çok ayrı bir konu. Varoşsal karakterini anlayışla karşılayabilirdim aslında, elbette senin suçun değil o şekilde doğmuş olman; ancak insanlara edecek lafın varsa bari arkasında durmayı da götün yesin. Hatta bence bir kelime olsaydın sen, "impotent" olurdun.

3-İzmir'de bulunduğum son 1 ay içerisinde taksicilere kazandırdığım paraları toplasam cidden bir üçüncü dünya ülkesini geçindirirdim sanıyorum.

4-Uykusuzluk hoş değil.

50 Reasons to Love You

1. I love your innocence.
2. I love how you're so naive.
3. I love you when you're drunk.
4. I loved the smile on your face when I gave you that comic book.
5. I love making you happy.
6. I love how you get all stressed up.
7. I love the way you have values you hang on to.
8. I love it that you're the only guy I know that's not into one night stands.
9. I love the way you send me 'good luck' messages before my exams.
10. I love it when you care.
11. I love how you're kind of like a girl to me sometimes (I mean this in a good way).
12. I love the way you're such a different person than anyone else I know.
13. I love your childishness.
14. I love how you're better than the people that you want to be like.
15. I love the way you're not a cool kid.
16. I love your skinny jeans and trench.
17. I loved it when you bought me a bottle of Absolut Disco and brought it to me.
18. I love being able to go shopping with you.
19. I love the way you love the OC.
20. I love it that you like Christopher Bailey.
21. I love how stylish you are.
22. I love the way I always think of you when I listen to Teen Love.
23. I love it that you always understand (or at least you try to understand).
24. I love it that you're not a selfish person.
25. I don't need 50 reasons to love you so I'll leave it at that =)

portions for foxes

i know i'm alone if i'm with or without you
but just being around you
offers me another form of relief

when the loneliness leads to bad dreams
and the bad dreams lead me to calling you
and i call you and say "come here!"

and it's bad news, baby, i'm bad news
i'm just bad news

you're bad news, baby you're bad news

i'd drive on to the end with you

Demolition Lovers sanırım dünyadaki en güzel şarkı sözlerine örnek gösterilebilir. "Seninle ölmek istiyorum" şeklinde psikopatça aşkların şarkısıdır aynı zamanda. I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets. Ben de böyle hissedebilmek istiyorum.

i'm trying, i'm trying
to let you know just how much you mean to me
and after all the things we put each other through
i would drive on to the end with you
and i feel like there's nothing left to do
but prove myself to you and we'll keep it running

but this time, i mean it
i'll let you know just how much you mean to me
this time, we'll show them
we'll show them all how much we mean

all we are, all we are is bullets, i mean this

know how much i want to show you you're the only one
like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun

and as we're falling down in this pool of blood
and as we're touching hands, as we're falling down
i'll see your eyes, i'll meet your eyes, i mean this forever.

your tongue is sharp but i miss the taste of it

usually when things have gone this far
people tend to disappear
no one will surprise me unless you do

i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seems to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you

Death Cab For Cutie'nin vokali yanımda olsaydı keşke şu an. Ben anlatsaydım, o bana sarılsaydı. Keşke etrafımda daha çok sarılmayı seven insan olsaydı. Keşke 3 gün daha geç doğsaydım.

let's dance to joy division

So if you're ever feeling down,
Grab your purse and take a taxi,
To the darker side of town,
That's where we'll be,
And we will wait for you and lead you through the dancefloor,
Up to the DJ booth,
You know what to ask for.

Go ask for Joy Division,
And celebrate the irony,
Everything is going wrong,
But we're so happy,
Let's dance to Joy Division,
And raise our glass to the ceiling,
'Cos this could all go so wrong,
But we're just so happy,
So happy.

So let the love tear us apart,
I've found the cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart,
let the love tear us apart,

I've found the cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart.

The Wombats'e birkaç sözüm var sanırım. Şarkı sözlerinden cümle cümle devam ediyorum. Evet, kötü hissederim genelde ben, çantamı alayım, taksiye binip "Abi beni karanlık yerlere götür The Wombats beni 0rda bekliyo" diyeyim. "Yaa tabi, my ass" adamın bana verebileceği en pozitif cevap olur herhalde. DJ kabinine gidip "Kızlar DJleri çok severler, hadi Joy Division çal" demeliyim sonra. Ah ironi, evet. Mutsuzsam isteyeceğim son şey Joy Division olabilir, evet sanırım çok ironik. Herşey kötü gidiyor, ama siz the Wombats olarak yine de mutlusunuz? O optimizminize küfretmek istiyorum çok afedersiniz. The bilmemnes'siniz abi bir kere, ordan kaybediyorsunuz zaten en başta. Ama doğru, sizin aksanınız şirin en azından. So let the love tear you apart? Popülasyonun %92.7'si aşık olma izni vermiyormuş kendine. Love will tear us apart dinleyip ağlamak insana ne kazandırır ki? Bu eylemi 24629472 kez gerçekleştirmiş birisi olarak, bence gereksiz bir hareket.
Ayrıca what's the cure for a broken heart? Bunu da belirtseymişsiniz keşke.

** Sanırım 7.