Wednesday 29 August 2007

zerofeelings goes blogger-crazy

İngilizcemi geliştiriyorum pt.2

I've totally gone blogger-crazy lately. It's like the word-vomits in Mean Girls, only it's more like a post-vomit. I got a Facebook account, it's so much fun, complicated though. I guess it's gonna take me a while to figure it out. Dyed my hair dark blonde today, it looks nice. I was planning on going out today, but I really wasn't in the mood both physically and emotionally. Yesterday's events really wore me out. I don't think I'll ever go to the Pub again. Note to self: Never get friendly with people who work at the bars that you go to a lot. It always causes trouble, sooner or later. Anyways, I'm really beginning to feel like alcohol is becoming a problem for me. When I drink too much, I talk too much, I can't control my temper and get into fights with people. I totally lose control over my words. And also I become this full-of-love-and-ready-to-hug kind of person. Suddenly it's like "Hey, it's not me, it's the vodka talking". I hate that and I hate doing things that I'll regret next morning.
Also after last night, I realized that I'm done with people who don't appreciate me or love me. I'm SO done. I won't let them stay in my life unless they respect me and want to be part of my life. I really don't need any extra luggage and I will no longer tolerate any asshole-ness from now on. I will not tolerate people who don't pay me attention, people who don't love me as I love them, people who talk behind my back while they're being hypocrites, disrespect, arrogance, lies, people who don't care whether they'll be part of my life or not, people who take me for granted, people who think I'm a spoilt little slut, people who are so pathetic that they have to make fun of me/my friends/my blogs to be able to stand the boredom of their sorry little lives and people who don't reply the messages that i send them on msn. If you think you qualify as one of the above, you're not welcome(you should really go and talk some more behind my back about... I don't know, that I'm writing in English maybe?). If not, I truly thank you for reading all this crap but I really had to get it all out :)

Monday 27 August 2007

Hey There Delilah

Arabadaydım ve tam inmek üzereyken radyoda Plain White T's-Hey There Delilah çalmaya başladı. Araba durdu, ben bekledim. Şarkı bitti, indim. Sinemaya doğru yürürken o şarkıyı ne kadar çok sevdiğimi, sözlerinin benim için ne kadar çok anlam ifade ettiğini düşündüm. Hostel 2 izledim, ilki kadar beğenmesem de fena değildi. Çıktım, tekrar arabaya bindim. O anda tekrar Hey There Delilah başladı. Dilek tutmalıyım dedim, tuttum. Her zaman saat ve dakika aynı olduğunda tuttuğum aynı dileği tuttum, binlerce kez tutmuş olmama ve gerçekleşmemiş olmasına rağmen.
Bu sabah uyanamadım bir türlü. 12 saat falan uyudum, ve çok zor uyandım sonra. Bir ara uyanır gibi oldum rüyam bittiğinde, sonra rüyamda kimi gördüğümün farkına vardığımda hiç uyanmayasım geldi gerçekten. Tam olarak 21 Şubat 2002, saat 14.30dan beri böyle hissetmemiştim. Evet, tamamen böyle. Rüyamda o bir Türk'tü, adı Can'dı sanırım. Yeditepe'de okuyordu ve birlikte yurtta kalıyorduk (?). Garipti yani. Bundan sonra ondan Can olarak bahsetmeye karar verdim. O bu kadar uzaktayken yaşayamazmış gibi hissediyorum kendimi. Ne dandik. Gerçekten kardeş, en iyi arkadaş ya da sadece herhangi birşey edinmek istiyorum onu. Digital Love'ın sözlerindeki gibi hissetmek istemiyorum, rüyamda onu görüp inanılmaz mutlu olup sonra evimde uyanmak istemiyorum.
Evet, sanırım arıyor olduğum takıntıyı bulmuş bulunmaktayım. Tebrikler.

a thousand miles seems pretty far
but they've got planes and trains and cars
i'd walk to you if i had no other way
our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
that none of them have felt this way

delilah i can promise you
that by the time we get through
the world will never ever be the same
and you're to blame

hey there delilah
you be good and don't you miss me
two more years and you'll be done with school
and i'll be making history like i do
you know it's all because of you
we can do whatever we want to
hey there delilah here's to you
this ones for you

oh it's what you do to me