Everything I've been holding on to for the last 6 months, comes crashing down on me one by one. I've forced myself to be happy all those months, and I've been as close to happy as I can get, but now I realise true happiness was back in my room in Istanbul for me. I remember staying in bed all day, every day for the whole week sometimes, just watching TV. I was happy then. I'll never feel so safe again, I'll never be that happy, I'll never feel as at home as I felt back then. If only I could be there for just one day, turn back the time, go back to last year for a single day where everything was so peaceful and I was loved.
I'm so sorry, and I've done many things I regret. I've hurt the ones I love, and I've broken the hearts of people I didn't even know. I'm trying not to regret moving here cause I know once I let go and allow myself to cry, I won't be able to control it any more and the depression will come back even worse.
I miss you, everything we did, good or bad, I miss my home, even when I hated it back then, I miss my old uni that I used to despise so much, I'd give anything to be there right now, in a taxi to Taksim, stuck in the traffic jam on Bagdat Avenue, listening to music and thinking of you.
And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
When you were young
They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while
You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now here he comes
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