wave lunacy goodbye

Maybe we could have pretended we were riding in the woods, riding horses. Mine would have been black and yours would have been white. It could have been all peaceful and silent as we had wanted it to be. Imagine the most peaceful scene ever. Imagine you're there. We could have been there. We could have been anything anyone could ever dream of being. We would have hugged each other to sleep while we both knew we weren't gonna sleep at all. We would have listened to Misread all night while we tried to fall asleep in your bed. It would have felt much better than any king size bed could ever feel. It would have been alright because we knew we'd wake up to endless possibilities. I hated instability, I hated uncertainty but I never complained because it was you. If it were anyone else, I would have told them to fuck off and shove their attitude up their asses, but I never said a word to you, not ever. Even when you used me, even when you took advantage of me, even when you took me for granted, I was always there for you. I did everything for you so that maybe then, just maybe then, you would care for me as much as I cared for you. Just one single word from you could have changed my world. You always knew it. You knew the power you had over me. You have no idea but you totally, literally, absolutely fucked my life up. If there's anything that's wrong with me right now, it's because of you. You're the reason I do nothing all day and watch tv. You're the reason all my relationships fail. You're the reason I need pills everyday. You do not have the right to hurt me. In fact, you owe me. You do not have the right to tell me that I don't care because not even one person in the entire world could have cared any more than I do. There's nothing else I can give you. You have taken everything. I'm truly sorry I had to leave you tonight but there was nothing else I could have done. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry. I won't call you, but I want you to know that if you ever wanna talk, you'll find a way and reach me. I wish there was another way.