Saturday 12 January 2008

sweet delays, love again

meet me on my vast veranda
my sweet, untouched miranda
and while the seagulls are crying
we fall but our souls are flying

and oh, my love, my love
we both go down together

Hello, I'm back to square one. It'll never get any better than this. This is my life, and this, is as good as it gets. No one will ever understand. No one will ever know anyone else. No one will ever, EVER, save me. Not ever. I seriously need to get over this obsession of mine that someone will come for me. Who would ever come for me, seriously? Why would they? Hell, even I wouldn't have come for someone like me. I'm too difficult, too demanding. Yes, I do demand. I demand perfection. Note to self: I deserve nothing less. Why do I even bother? Hello?? Seriously?? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN BOTHER, YOU SUCKER? It'll hit them in the head a few years later, and by then, it'll be too late. DO NOT EVEN BOTHER. IT'S THEIR FAULT, THEIR PROBLEM, THEY'RE THE ONES THAT'LL FEEL SORRY, NOT YOU. IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL.

Onlar senin gibi değiller. Olamazlar da, çok uzun süre en azından. Kişisel değil, ve sen onlardan daha fazlasısın. Cool kid'liklerle, şişirilmiş egolarla, gereksiz insanlarla uğraşacak zamanın yok; çünkü sen çok daha fazlasını yapabilirsin. Onlar yapamazlar, ve sen yapabilirsin. İşte, tek fark bu. Yapabilmek, ve yapamamak. Sorun, yapabiliyor oluşunu nasıl kullandığın. Şu anda anlamıyor olabilirsin, ama 5 yıl sonra onların elindeki zorla edinilebilmiş dandik bir üniversiteye ait diplomayı gördüğünde, neden farklı olduğunu anlayacaksın. Sen, öyle olmayacaksın.

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