let me close to your heart

"It breaks my heart that we live this way. I know people need love.." It breaks my heart. Being this way breaks my heart. I wish I could reach you somehow, anyhow. I don't care how, I just need to feel for you. It was just one day, one evening we spent together, and it was all it took for me to realize.

I will get hurt. I will be alone all night, listen to songs that remind me of you, wish that somehow you'll feel me whispering to you the lyrics of those songs, hope you'll understand how I feel, ignore the fact that noone can *ever* understand any other person, drink myself dry to fuck the pain away and cry myself to sleep while I keep re-living the sweet nothings you told me. I know those moments will never come back. The most important moments in life, are the ones that just happen in that particular time with that particular person, for just one time. For once in a lifetime, that person opens up to you the inner depths of their souls, their pain, their yearnings, their wishes, a one-day-trial of their hearts. Somehow, for no reason, you feel that it's just the magic of that moment that will never return. I know I have to just cherish that moment, but I can't. It's sad to know it's as far as it gets. A friend once told me that in those moments, we were stuck in time, and in some other kind of dimension of time, we kept living that moment forever until the end of time. I believe him and that makes me wonder. It makes me long for the past. The people I've loved, the people I've cared about, the people who have touched my soul and then left, the people I've lost, the present that I hate right now which will soon become memories that I miss. I do miss you. I want you to let me close.

This, probably is the most important (ayrıca dikkate almanıza değen tek şey) that I'll ever write in this blog.

--to do list:

Cherish the memories and hang onto them for they'll never come back. This particular moment, even though you hate it, will never come back.

Take the risk of getting hurt and love someone. Most importantly, tell them you love them.

Don't build up fake-egos/self esteem/confidence to prevent getting hurt. Reveal yourself. What could you possibly lose? "Becoming Zero" or pretending you don't give a fuck or trying not to care doesn't help anything in the end.

Love, lose, get hurt, and get depressed. Nothing you'll ever get to experience in life is in vain.

You can be popular. You can get invited to parties.You might even be the coolest person ever. None of it matters. It was once told that "the only thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return". It might sound like some stupid line, you might be laughing your ass off right now thinking about how a stupid and sentimental person I am. But you're still reading my blog. As long as you're reading my blog, this is my territory and I, the loveable owner of this blog, am telling you to FUCKING LOVE, PEOPLE.

If you even have the slightest doubt about where you are in life, consider what you truly want. In the end, it's all about what you really want, not what people consider normal.

Always remember the fact that you're not obliged to do anything in life, EVER. If you want to do something else and you're completely ready to face the consequences, you can walk away anytime you like.

As sad as it sounds, you'll die alone. However, it doesn't mean you have to walk alone. Hold on to the people in your life. Don't hurt them. Apologize to them if you have done something hurtful. Care for them. Be there for them. Show them you care, and appreciate them. Show them you want them in your life.

The main point is, DO NOT HOLD BACK, PEOPLE. IF YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE, LET THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. IT'S OKAY TO CARE.