Bu yazıyı yayınlamayı düşünmüyordum bu aralar, öylece kayıtlı duruyordu, çünkü mutlu ruh halime uygun değildi, ama gece gördüğüm rüya beni o nostaljik/özleyen ruh halime soktu gayet. Ve şarkı sözlerinin neden bahsettiğini *çok* iyi anlayabiliyorum malesef.
From Autumn to Ashes'in Short Stories with Tragic Endings-Autumn's Monologue-The Fiction We Live üçlüsünü dinliyorum bu aralar çokk uzun süre sonra. 3-4 yıl sanırım? Short Stories'in son 4 dakikası ve diğer 2 şarkı birbirini takip ediyor, dinlenesi kesinlikle.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person? And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much? So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze. It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds, you let this one person come down at the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have. Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in. But this table for one has become bearable. I now take comfort in this, I cherish you. Just say that you would do the same for me. For as much as I love Autumn, I'm giving myself to Ashes.
Oh why can't I be what you need? A new, improved version of me. But I'm nothing so good, no I'm nothing. Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs of violence, of love and of sorrow. I beg for just one more tomorrow where you hold me down, fold me in deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins.
I break in two over you. I break in two and each piece of me dies and only you can give the breath of life. But you don't see me, you don't.
Here I'm in between darkness and light, bleached and blinded by these nights where I'm tossing and tortured til dawn by you, visions of you then you're gone. The shock bleeds the red from my face when I hear someone's taking my place. How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel? When all, all that I did was for you.
I break in two over you, I break in two and each piece of me dies and only you can give the breath of life. But you don't see me, you don't. Now you see me, now you don't. Now you need me, now you don't.
Ve "you" insanının verdiği cevap olarak The Fiction We Live:
You might be just what I need. No I would not change a thing. Been dreaming of this so long, but we only exist in this song. The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow and if you come and meet me tomorrow I will hold you down, fold you in, deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live.
I break in two over you. I break in two and if a piece of you dies, Autumn, I will bring you back to life. Of course I see you, I do.
Sonra "yarın gidip buluşacak olsam" bana "Of course I see you, I do" diyecek bir insanın olmadığı, ve hep yalnız başına şarkılarını söyleyen hüzünlü sesli bir Autumn olarak kalacağım geldi aklıma. Hatta tam olarak şu anda henüz sonuçlanmamış, hala devam ediyor olduğunu düşündüğüm bir hikayenin çoktan bitmiş, trajik sonlu bir kısa hikaye olduğunu fark ettim.
I sure know how to ruin the mood.